My eyes burn, I’m lacking patience, all I see is Indigo
Coursing through my veins, I’m taking the fog as a symbol that’s blocking my clarity
Visions of a different me; I’m looking up to skies that don’t want the best of me.
Eyes blurred, visions stirred, I’m going fucking senile
Doing your best isn’t enough; I break down before you can break me down.
It’s like, the older I get the more fearful I become: not having a family and bein the only one
Marching to the sound of my own drum, man all I’ve ever wanted was simple treasures
But my head is getting filled with bigger dreams, I’m knowing not to get caught in simple pleasures.
Rapture like a mo’fucka’ and I ain’t playin with mo’fuckas’
That’s the voices in my head keeping me sane, keeping me real and letting everything get surreal
Disciplining myself for the glory I give my own appeal.
My eyes burn, I’m lacking patience, all I see is Indigo
How it all began, I can’t remember how to start puttin the pieces together
My past is creepin up every time I look in the mirror and I can’t seem to get it together.
I’m thinking I got a hold on the situation
Yeah, I’m looking for that old word grasp
[faster] but I put up whatever’s in my hand up: I’m still the same dude that’s too shy to wave hello cause I’m psyching myself out of good things that I know will last.
Let me see you do better, let me see you get out clean-I like my dirty hands
I’ll get the job done-I wish I wasn’t being neglected by the people I wish wouldn’t be in my past.
I keep bringing up your name like I’m expecting you to be that somebody else
I keep telling me to get over what’s taking place and get on with the true self
Nobody gives a fuck about me: I smile and keep pursuing to build this wealth.
I’m phantom on this all
I’m the kid that never balled
I’m the dreamer in this world, yeah but I like to get raw.
I like to write and ignore bitches that always call; I’m chasing the ones that don’t
I ain’t got no problems, just solutions to this life’s minority vote.
Burning bridges that I’ve crossed over just to carry on, doing what I do best
Being a visionary, looking past others that aren’t complimentary
I’m creating my own pieces in this game of chest.
Talking shit about me, I don’t think that they’re wasting their time
Keeping my name in their vocabulary cause they already know it comes before the word ‘shine’.
The confidence is not do to my ego
Shows up here, sometimes not there
I still got work to do, not being equal in all parts has got me a little scared
But heaven only knows: I’m here to brighten up new patches of darkness, I’ll leave the imitation up to these other glares.
I’m getting to understand that not everything will go my way, not every decision will be right that I make and not every dinner is gonna include steak
Not always gonna be surrounded by the people who’ll make me great
Enough with the enough, bullshit is welcome but I won’t let it dine with me, success is my real date.
A day dreamer caught in the whisper that you speak
Run through the scenarios once more, just to get it right and have it finely tuned;
To be a modern Spartan is my aim, but I can’t even begin to so that when it’s hard to look at you.
And the states become commonplace with hellos, good mornings and good byes
I wish you could see what I see, to seek the serenity lying in those eyes.
And I’m animal at first when I catch my gaze snapping photos of yourself
The stages become logical; I begin to think with the heart and feel with the mind.
Simplicity is difficult when you over think it
There’s something about you…I’m not just an animal when you’re around
Vessels pump: my mouth waters
My breathing rises: my muscles tense
My eyes lower; I seek to portray damage on good terms
Memories are important to me, and I want mine to light up your mind like a lantern.
Haven’t I said that you’ve been around?
That I been here, working to get over there and that I’ve been down.
Making it go far with the deck that I’ve been dealt,
I’ve been shuffling like crazy just to see how far I can go while you’ve been steady cruisin on your plated wealth.
I’m trying to get that something different, and that takes something different;
Outside the box thinking, but I want higher levels that are gonna match my persistence.
I’ve been feeling faded too long, lost for too long
Gone for too long and I’ve just been here waiting for the right things to come along
Been wasting my time going down roads with dead ends
I guess it really takes losing friends to find yourself where no one else thinks you can begin again
Wasteland is where they want me to be, but I can’t see myself getting dirty with their disease
I’d much rather go about it the only way I know how: ignore them all, do what feels right and fuck them if they ever start a sentence with,” this is how…”
I promised you that I could make it better, never gave me the opportunity: push forward, carry on and continue to keep my word through whatever.
Sitting and waiting on better days, yeah that’s what I was working towards
I remember the monsters, hiding under your exterior, on some fake shit like a Trojan horse.
And I exposed myself to show you that I was a better man
Going above and beyond wasn’t my thing, I knew I should’ve stuck with my original plan; it woks out for the better
I remember the monsters creeping out your curved corpse.
That feeling you get when you know you can’t just get along
Others seem so far away when you know you’ve done them no harm.
Hard to break the barriers, yeah I’m feeling what they say by being misunderstood
It’s not that I like to cast myself out of the crowd, out of a position that’ll do me good.
I just don’t know how to handle the situation, take into account what’s happening, enjoy the present and stop dwelling on past confrontations but the shit gets real when you get messages telling you,”yeah my heart? I misplaced it.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be in your hands to begin with”
I just sit back after the fact and watch my world unwind, start from square one in order to get the right beginning.
Always felt different, always felt like I wasn’t part of the rest
People that I’m working with got their own lives; they know how to live while I try to figure my way to handle it the best.
Just enjoying myself in my own way: learning that doing it alone seems to be the best.
I’m putting it on the paper, sending it out to the world
I see a lot of bad bitches, but I like calling them good girls
Foreign girl Coming to America, I can tell by your curls.
I can tell by a whole lotta: your walk says burberry and your smile says Prada.
I’m just warning you ahead of time: when we done, you’re getting nada, back to square one all the time cause I want the whole enchilada.
I’m seeing myself in others, yeah I’m out of my old position
Into this new era where I’m front row to my own exposition.
Exposing myself and longing to create this ever lasting wealth
I’ve made time and making time to find the right things and not be another notch on anythings belt.
Coming for the gold and not settling for silver
Play books not on my mind, I’m air bound where they words like St. Claire.
But it’s taking work, it’s taking sacrifice and I’m just glad I got the balls to get across this pond and get my ass there.
I’m visualizing myself in other people, just to get the order right to some sense that’s been making me feel like it’s all wrong
Wanting takes more than wishing and I’ve already realized that wishing takes work as well, I might as well making it a reality cause all I wanna do is fucking ball.
Others are telling me that my arrangements are fucking crazy
My decisions are too much for them to handle; keep the distance strong cause I don’t have time to call any of them baby.
Tell them not to worry cause I’ll be gone soon, yeah I’m planning on finally going home
Let it lie on my heart, show you all that I’m human; lie next to bitches and I’ll still feel alone
Fillin this void, yeah I got an empty part of my chest and I’ve been trying to fill it
Don’t worry about me, I’ll be gone and you won’t even feel it.
I’ve been working towards this for so long
I’ve been eager to get ahead, fuck getting by and people making me feel like that’s so wrong
I felt it this whole time and how it wouldn’t last; stuck in the present but it was all so far gone.
Putting my head into what I know best and it wasn’t because I knew I was better
It’s the only way I could release it all and become someone better.
So long to it all, so long to all my wishes
Making them a reality is better even if it needs ambition
How can I relate to all these people? How come I keep coming up with questions instead of going about my sequels?
Rearranging my perspective, I’m creating my better days
I’m the furthest thing from what you want me to be; that mirage got you caught in your own haze.
All of ‘em were different, yeah they all had their own chandeliers
Hang it above them, show me the light cause I’m gonna steer clear; of all that good shit, it’s scaring me to know my heart isn’t as pure
Doesn’t mean you didn’t teach me anything
Lessons aren’t quick to fade, but it’s up to me not to get them obscured.